Rantings of a complain-freak

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Time to move on

I think its time for my blog to move on and be a ‘professional’. The idea is that my blog should start to reflect a more mature me – the kind you would find in that of a working adult, not a complaining (well, the complaining might still stay) immature student. Posts may be few and far between, but I will definitely work on the frequency.

About ‘professional’. Its hard to define it – some professionals I know are not the least bit what you would expect from them, while others who do not have that label on them behave in the most courteous and professional of manners. I like to think of myself as being professional – get the job done effectively and efficiently, with the respect that every individual deserves, and hopefully strike a good rapport in the process.

That aside, I think I’m going through a phase of inner turmoil or “self discovery”. I am alone in the US for a month – with a fellow colleague and other people whom I have to say come from different cultures and backgrounds. Things are great except for very blatant mood swings. One day I am missing the boy so much it gets frustrating when he misses our scheduled calls, another day I wanna break free and not talk to anyone, and on some days like today, I entertain the thought of moving to another city and working there for a good 1 or 2 years. Funny how the brain and the heart works eh?

So here I am in US for a month - been at work for 2 weeks already, and am counting the days till I return to my boy's arms. I'll save the heavy stuff for another day when I'm in the mood. For now, I'll just eat good ole american food and get heavier. Woot~~~

Sunday, April 05, 2009

random, but heavy thoughts

I feel that the young these days are in a hurry to grow up.

I look at my cousins and feel this overwhelming sense of distaste for their whining, yet at the same time, I concur with what they say. They seem so cynical of the world (or Singapore for that matter), so full of angst, and rebellion. They crave freedom and a lifestyle away from parental protection, but indirectly live blissfully under a protective, and many a times luxurious wing. However, they are right in that we have been too protected, and its time for us to learn to take flilght.

I guess I was (am) like them too, but I like to think that I'm probably less extreme. Maybe its because of what each of us wants to fly off to?

Don't know what came over me, I told the 18 year old cousin how her dad's business was becoming a going concern. My aim was to instill some sense of responsibility and awareness about the hardship in the family, not to take things for granted. In the process, I might have just given her another reason to grow up faster.


**********

Money has recently become a big deal to me. The boyfriend and me started counting (albiet a little prematurely, but I guess its also good to know to plan for the future) the amount of money we would need to save for a house, a wedding, our kids.....

No worries though. I don't think I will get married in another 3 - 4 years.

On a separate issue, I'm starting to feel unjustified and dissatisfied with my comparatively lower pay, in relation to my peers / colleagues, and in relation to the amount of work I am doing compared to my team mates. The current 5% (rumour has it that another 5% is to follow in the next few months) pay cut has not helped me one last bit too.

The breaking point of comparison probably came when my colleague told us she was renting a condo with her 2 cousins at a monthly rate equivalent to my net pay. I was stuped. And of course, green with envy, greedy for more money. And this feeling didn't subside even when she later moved to a place a few hundred dollars cheaper.

Which brings me to my next point. Since when did money become the main actor in my life?


********

I get tired more easily, and eat more than I should. In short, I'm a slob. I know I won't ever be able to go back to my previous hectic lifestyle at the rate I am degenerating. How can I climb the corporate ladder, ride the rat-race, and emerge a winner before I get married?

I need to work on a lot of EQ, and curry-favouring at work. It sucks though. Probably a neccessary evil...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

你不是真正的快樂

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了

你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深切切淡掉了

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后再后悔着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你知道真正的快乐 你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让配角全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

*****

我是真正的快乐吧!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Audit is the new fuck. Audit you!

My employee pass dropped into the toilet bowl this afternoon at lunch. I wonder if its a sign of things to come.

As much as I'd hate to admit, I miss the old days and the hectic-ness of work. I see no meaning now in what I do, no motivation, and I feel all alone. I keep wondering - did I make a mistake?

This sucks. I suck.

Friday, January 02, 2009

New Year Resolutions 2009

Health

1. Exercise at least 2 times a week - reduce weight from approximately 62kg (now) to 58kg.

2. Eat balanced meals and eat in moderation. This means no more overeating at buffets, and no snacking, especially during office hours!


Wealth

3. Save money - think before spending on unneccessary things. To save $300 a month.

4. Do not commit to big financial objects (above $200 per month) on impluse. ie: no more 40 facial packages, funds etc without thinking for at least 2 weeks.


Educational

4. Learn cantonese - be able to listen and converse in simple cantonese

5. Broaden knowledge in business and finance - learn how to trade in financial markets.


Personal Attributes

6. Stop freaking out over minute little details.

7. Be an understanding person, do not expect too much from individuals.

8. Think before talking; Think before acting.



My first 5 goals can be measured, but the last 3 goals serve more as a reminder on the kind of person I should strive to be. Hope my goals work out, I'll update on them next year. :P