4

I could have committed murder today (Sining... run! while you still can!), but then it would have been too evil.

I should have just committed suicide.

*****

I think I hate retail therapy. Sure, it feels good when you are buying stuff - you feel powerful, in control. The salespeople have to bow to your every whim and fancy, fold the clothes back after you decided that peach colour does not suit that skin type or that a racer back would reveal a spotty back etc. I don't know if other people feel it too, but its the after-effects of shopping that make me feel guilty. I feel guilty spending so much money on clothes. They don't really fufil my emotional needs (i need food more than clothes) and I've never been really picky about what I wear. Heck, I don't even own a Levis.

So when there comes that extravagant splurge on some branded clothes (Mango/Zara/Topshop) the guilt triplefolds. Doesn't seem to feel that way when I eat higher-class stuff like Crystal Jade or Fish n Co or Sakae or... you get the picture. I'm crazy for Marche, for Swensens, for Gelare... and though I am putting on the calories like no one's business... I don't feel the guilt. I even eat two lunches sometimes, on top of my breakfast and dinner and supper.

Funny right?

Which is why I think have an eating disorder. How come I eat so much now? Not stressed.. if I'm stressed I'll eat lots of chocolates right? I just eat when I have nothing to do.

*****

I don't feel the overwhelming sympathy that everyone is feeling for the tsunami victims. Yes, it was a tragic accident, but I thought the book of rememberance thingy from Montford school was stupid. I won't pay to read some childish kiddy poems about the tsunami. I can write some myself even. A lot of lives were lost, yes, and we are super lucky. But I don't understad why, up till now, people are still harping on it. How do you expect the victim's families to move on when you are still remaining stationary reflecting on past destruction. I might have been shocked and at a loss when I caught the first waft of news. Now, I detest all the "tsunami-aid", charity shows, selling of merchandise to raise money, even public donations. Come on, admit it. People just dump their unwanted stuff for the public donations, while there are kind people who donate USEFUL STUFF that can be used, most just treat it as a large scale karang guni with a good cause as the foundation, concealer and eye shadow for the horrid reality. Charity shows are positive publicity for artistes who attend them... they have "A HEART". Hmm....

Maybe a dog came and ate my heart when I was asleep.

*****

Jay Chou has a girlfriend, according to the tabloids. So poof goes my fanatasies and imaginative whirlwind romances. That woman must be someone to be able to snag the person I consider one of the most charming and talented artists around. I think Jay Chou playing the piano is the man at his sexiest, and the rest of the time, his coolness just wows me into a jaw-dropping(not saliva dripping) admiration. I sound like some prepubercent pimply girl swooning about her idol, but for the record, this star is brighter than the Northern star. At least he doesn't lace his songs with F*** and is never overly angsty or angry.

I like.

I also wish I was that lucky girl.